I have always been amused (when I haven't been annoyed) by the issue of dating within the church. It is a frequent subject in sermon messages, which are almost invariably given by people in their mid-40's (or older) who have been married for more than twenty years, and who almost without exception married an AC sweetheart when the church was a lot bigger than it is. At least I have somewhat of a sense of humor about it; probably it's because I'm still young and there are at least some decent young women my age. Many of my older single friends (and there are a surprisingly large number of these) tend to be a little more bitter about the issue, and with good reason. The pickings are really slim. As one friend of mine wisely said of the singles population, "If you're over 40 and you've been married before, there's a reason why you're single. If you're over 40 and you've never been married before, there's a reason why you're single." Actually, once you get over 30, things get really desparate.
Why is this the case? There are really several issues at play here. One is the insistence (which is biblically supported, though woefully impractical) that people within the faith should marry others who are within the faith. This makes sense, for example, if you're a Catholic, and there are a billion of you. If you are an Orthodox Christian, or even most relatively large Protestant sects, it makes no great burden on your dating life. However, the same is not the case for the Church of God. Especially if you try to date within your organization, the pickings are extremely slim. While I don't know the young ladies (if there are any of dateable age) in the Living Church of God congregation in the area, there are not half a dozen single (and by this I mean not dating or engaged) young ladies in the entire Tampa Bay area in the church of God. I have two teenage cousins (both in WCG still but who disagree with the changes) who could be considered among that group, and obviously neither qualifies as dateable.
Even where there are young ladies and young man in roughly balanced amounts (which would facilitate dating) there are still other issues to consider. For example--compatability. As an intellectual, it is somewhat difficult for me to find young women who appreciate my personality, and are interested in the sort of subjects I am ("Hey dear, read any great books on Hermeneutics recently?"). Of course, I am not the only person with this difficulty. Both from my own personal experience, and that of my friends, I see that long-distance relationships are rather common in the Church of God community, largely because there are few better options.
This does not mean that long-distance dating is without its problems. Indeed, it is a rather difficult type of relationship, and places a lot of stress on the (mostly) young people who date this way, for lack of better options. Couples see each other infrequently, and hence must keep in touch online or through telephone or (perish the thought) through letters (that's so 18th century). What this means is that young people in the church of God face severe difficulties trying to prepare for marriage. Sadly, these are difficulties that the ministry (for all of their exhortations) seem unable or unwilling to deal with. It's all fine and dandy for people to preach that young adults should date within the church, but it needs to be a realistic and practical option, and there need to be ways of doing it effectively. Without practical steps and achieveable goals, all the exhortation in the world isn't going to amount to much. And if it's that difficult for young people, it's vastly more difficult for older singles, for whom the options are even fewer and less desirable (on both sides, from what I can gather).
What can be done about this? I don't know. Both officially and unofficially, the church tries to do what it can to throw young people together. ABC is not-so-affectionately known as the Ambassador Bridal Center, which was not the case for my class, certainly, at least not yet. Camps perform a valuable function for teenagers (too bad I've never been much into camping). There is the singles cruise (which I'm booked to go on), the Family weekend, and so forth, and the feast (a classic way people get together--if anyone has heard of a feast fling, something which I have not had myself). These, though, are merely short-term fixes (of a few days or so) that do not solve the greater problem. As far as the greater problem of attracting and retaining more young people to the church of God, and building healthy congregations that can allow for greater fellowship among age cohorts, this problem didn't happen overnight, and it's not going to be solved overnight. Oh well, in life there are few easy answers. Until and unless they are, I guess the rest of us just have to deal.
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6 comments:
Having just turned 47 and still remaining single, I can relate to this topic very well.
Is it time to broaden the definition of "the church," in terms of dating? Is it only someone who worships on Saturday, doesn't eat pork, etc.? Is it a believer in Jesus for salvation, irrespective of those rules?
Oh well -- only nine weeks left until the Feast. Or as some of us single guys have come to call it: "hunting season." :-->
Well, personally speaking, I consider the church of God to only be those who believe in the laws of God and obey them to the best of their ability--and these laws could include the Sabbath and the food laws, among others. That said, I don't think the problem is only found in our narrow area, but is a wider issue as well, and to that extent the problem of finding suitable people of faith to court/date/marry is a serious issue even for those whose faith is not Christianity.
What's that new movie out today -- "The 40-Year-Old Virgin"?
Not going. Too painful.
Since Clyde Kilough is bringing it up a lot, this comes from the UCG Preamble:
We believe that all who truly repent of their sins in full surrender and willing obedience to God, and who by faith accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior, have their sins forgiven by an act of divine grace. Such individuals are justified, pardoned from the penalty of sin, and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, which literally abides within them and supplies the divine love that alone can fulfill the law and produce righteousness. They are baptized by the Spirit into the body of Christ, which is the true Church of God.
We believe that the Church is that body of believers who have received, and are being led by, the Holy Spirit.
Based on those definitions, it seems to be "the Church" can extend well outside UCG boundaries. Perhaps -- just perhaps?! -- outside COG boundaries, as well.
Do you really want to open up that can of worms? There are basically two comments about that which would appear to limit the applicability (at least at the present time) of those who could be considered members of God's church.
The first of these is "willing obedience." Obeying God means obeying God's commandments. Those who do not follow God's laws--including, though hardly limited, the Sabbath, the Holy Days, tithing, clean and unclean meats, sexual laws etc., to say the least of loving others, even one's enemies, as ourselves--and do not even recognize the difference between obedience and sin (thus not knowing what to repent of), cannot be considered members of God's church. Basic knowledge of and obedience to God's laws, including all ten of the commandments, can be considered a sine qua non of Christianity. It marks minimal standards (though not the standards we should all reach towards). While one would expect those who are new in the faith to lack the knowledge of those who have long obeyed God, the expectation of growth in truth and obedience is to be expected. Those who have hardened their harts to obeying God's law through false and malicious interpretations of scripture are decieved, and cannot be considered (until their hearts and minds are opened) as members of God's church.
The second limiting factor, if the first is not enough, defines those who possess and are being led by, the Holy Spirit. While knowledge and obedience are necessary, they are not sufficient. Being led by the spirit means not only that one is obeying all of God's laws, but is obeying them for the right reasons (i.e. not to keep a good scorecard, but because one actually loves God and loves God's way). If we love God, we will keep His commandments, and not try to justify them away by considering them done away with, or mere shadows of the substance that is Christ. We will obey knowing that our obedience does not save us, but merely reflects our love for He who gave His life for us to wash away the death penalty for our sins (which no amount of law-abiding can erase), as well as He who watched His son die so that He could increase His family. Thus, obedience to God's laws does not negate in any sense the depth of importance of grace. Those led by the Holy Spirit will not be led to act sinfully, whether that is breaking the Sabbath or the food laws or anything else that is against God's eternal and immutable law. Therefore, we cannot know if someone is truly a Christian merely because they obey God's law (they could be a Pharisee about it). Nonetheless, we can know beyond the shadow of a doubt that someone who is not obeying God's law is not a Christian. Thus, the comments that you point out do not expand the definition of Christianity, but rather make the definition even more stringent. May God have mercy on us all.
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