Rafael Palmeiro, the Rat Fink

I first heard of Rafael Palmeiro (hereafter referred to as RP) several years ago, when the graying slugger starred in ads for Viagra. I was a bit puzzled, to say the least, because most men, even in their 30's, should not suffer from ED (if you don't know what that is, you don't watch enough television, and may not even know who RP is). However, ED is a noted side effect of steroids. It's one thing for Bob Dole to market Viagra--he's an old man, and obviously not a 'roid head. Palmeiro, though, is a slugger, a homerun hitter, and anyone who can hit home runs (whether they admit it, are caught inflgrante, or deny it on their mothers' graves) has been under suspicion for steroids.

Rafael Palmeiro, however, spent his career largely under the radar. Despite reasonably decent career totals (3020 hits, 1663 runs, 1835 rbis, 569 home runs, and a lifetime obp of .371 and a lifetime hitting average of .288), he has been noted more for a consistent, if unspectacular career rather than as a superstar. In other words, he's no Barry Bonds. But RP, to his lifelong shame, became a superstar thanks to some choice words he made in a very public forum. You see, RP, who at the time was trying to join the 3000 hit club, and solidify his credentials for the Baseball Hall of Fame, was called to Congress to testify about steriods. While the other players hemmed and hawed (including McGuire, a confessed user of (legal, at the time) supplements during his home run hitting days), and while Conseco faced the fallout from his tell-almost-all book about his own flagrant steriod use, RP boldly called out to the naysayers, "I have never used steriods." He would later (not too much later, either) live to regret those words.

You see, as was discovered later, around the time he spoke to Congress, RP already had a failed test result for stanozolol, one of the stronger steriods out there, and one that is not found in any of the usually blamed over-the-counter supplements. He gamely fought through injury, and mounting scepticism, all the while appealing the ten day suspension he knew was coming. Does anything get more hypocritical than that? It does. After RP's test comes out, all those words come back to haunt him, as he slightly changes his tune and tries to go back into the privacy he played in for so many years. Too late.

The fallout was bad enough. He suffered irreparable harm to his reputation, probably lost his chance at induction into the Hall of Fame (unless it is kinder to 'roidheads than other cheaters). His testimony is also being called into question on account of purjury, something previous holders of the White House are a little familiar with as well. Well, it gets better. Apparently, in his attempts to appeal his suspension, RP turned in a teammate as the supplier of the 'riods. In baseball, it doesn't get any lower than that. There is a sort of honor code among thieves. If you get caught, make up some lame excuse and take the rap for yourself. Enough people probably do steriods and supply other players that an honor code is necessary to keep the lid on scandal, as much as possible. Now Baltimore is talking about shutting down RP for the rest of the season. At least someone has now learned that crime doesn't pay, and that no one likes a fink.