Tastes Like Lappy

A foolish bet from a national sportswriter named Charles Robinson has spurred on a whole new phrase to describe something almost entirely inconceiveable. For those who are not aware, he made a preseason bet that if the Chicago Bears won the NFC North, he would eat his laptop. I find great amusement in such bets as these. "Pride comes before a fall" comes to mind as a suitable scripture for these situations. Needless to say, the Bears won the NFC North, and indigesetion awaits. When one makes a bet such as this, one had better be willing to pay up, or in this case, eat up.

Other people have, unsurprisingly, picked up on this expression. Doing a google search on the topic (as I am wont to do) uncovered the expression used in such varying ways as a taunt ("if your cartoon is anything more than stick figures I will eat my laptop") to pride about a musical being developed ("if this musical doesn't make it on Broadway in the next few years I will eat my laptop"). Besides these uses for it, one can imagine a suitable taunt for enthusiasts of end-time prophecy ("If the tribulation doesn't begin in five years I will eat my laptop" springs to mind, for example). Such a useful boast could even be useful for solving parent-child problems ("If I don't improve my grades next semester I will eat my laptop").

Of course, if one makes such foolish and rash predications that would involve invoking the laptop bet, one had better be willing to suffer some heartburn. Laptop's don't taste good. They're mostly made up of plastic, with some silicon chips thrown in for seasoning. The power cords are a bit of a problem too. My laptop, for example, has a tendancy towards the "fried laptop," with its long-standing power-cord problems, which have caused flames to spurt from the back of the machine before (and nearly electrocuted me in the process). Not all laptops, however, are as spicy as mine. Nonetheless, to put it rather mildly, eating a laptop is far from a welcome task.

Life would be so much easier if people meant what they said and didn't have to come up with such extravagent language (as eating laptops is, you must admit) in order to demonstrate that they are really serious about something. I mean, people should be able to take what one says at least somewhat seriously (although, sometimes people take what one says a bit too seriously--without an understanding of dry and deadpan humor, or sarcasm, or even the occasionally witty barb). If our yes was yes and our no was no, it would not be necessary to swear on one's digestive health (laptops are murder on the intestines) in order to make a point. It would also be less, um, unpleasant if what one said did not come to pass. It is one thing to look like a fool (because when one is in the prediction making business, one is going to be wrong a lot) when false predictions fail to come to pass (whether it is in the realm of sports, politics, or the occasional prediction of the return of Jesus Christ), but it is entirely another thing to break one's word. In short, if you are going to be foolish enough to make a ridiculous bet, you'd better be willing to pay the price. I wonder how humble pie tastes like. It probably tastes like lappy.