Thursday, March 30, 2006

Nigerian E-mail Scams

I get a large amount of junk e-mail, mostly from Church of God members with no gainful employment who desire to argue over such foolish things as how long our tassels have to be and other such nonsense. However, recently I have received a rather large number of more disturbing corresondence. Now, I have gotten these e-mails often before, but never in such a consistent pattern. Now, for the pleasure of my readership, I will post here unedited e-mails, before subjecting them to a brief and savage exegesis. You have been warned (joke).

Texts

ALIM KAREB.
AUDITIN AND ACCOUNTIN MANAGER,
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.


Dear Friend,

I am the AOUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here
in
Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned
sum of US$14m dollars (FOURTEEN MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account that
belongs to one of our foreign customer (MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from
Munich,
Germany) who died along with his entire family in Jully 2000 in a plane
crash.
FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT THIS SITE BELLOW

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release
it
unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased
as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him
at the
plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this
business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of
kin or
relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since
nobody
is
coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury
as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained unclaimed after six years, the money will be transfered into
the
bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a
foreigner
and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision of a foriegn account , 10% will be set aside for expenses
incurred
during the business and 60% would be for me Thereafter, I will visit
your
country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated
Therefore, to
enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged,you must
apply
first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating
your
bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax
number
for easy and effective communication and location where in the money
will
be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
of the application .

I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free
and
that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required
arrangements
have been made for the transfer.

You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.
Yours Faithfully,
Dr.ALIM KAREB. (B.O.A)
TREAT AS URGENT AND CONFIDENCIAL

MR ALIM KAREB.
AUDITIN AND ACCOUNTIN MANAGER,
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A)
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.


Dear Friend,

I am the AOUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) here
in
Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. In my department we discovered an abandoned
sum of US$14m dollars (FOURTEEN MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account that
belongs to one of our foreign customer (MR. ANDREAS SCHRANNER from
Munich,
Germany) who died along with his entire family in Jully 2000 in a plane
crash.
FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT THIS SITE BELLOW

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release
it
unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased
as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him
at the
plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this
business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of
kin or
relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since
nobody
is
coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury
as unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained unclaimed after six years, the money will be transfered into
the
bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a
foreigner
and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision of a foriegn account , 10% will be set aside for expenses
incurred
during the business and 60% would be for me Thereafter, I will visit
your
country for disbursement according to the percentage indicated
Therefore, to
enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you arranged,you must
apply
first to the bank as relation or next of kin of the deceased indicating
your
bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax
number
for easy and effective communication and location where in the money
will
be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
of the application .

I will not fail to bring to your notice this transaction is hitch-free
and
that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required
arrangements
have been made for the transfer.

You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter.

Trusting to hear from you immediately.
Yours Faithfully,
Dr.ALIM KAREB. (B.O.A)
TREAT AS URGENT AND CONFIDENCIAL

Brief editorial comments: Two letters for the price of one! In the first he is a Mister, and in the second he has been upgraded to a Doctor. Most impressive!

FROM;MR.LUCAS KRUIS
JOHANNESBURG SOUTH AFRICA
E-MAIL:lucaskruis@hotmail.com
TEL;27-73-232-1447

REQUEST FOR URGENT ASSISTANCE/BUSINESS

Dear,

With due respect, trust and humanity, I write this letter to you
seeking
your help and assistance though Its difficult since we have not met
before.
I got your good contact from the South African Information Exchange
(SAIE)
regarding your business profile and sincerity. I believe that you are
capable and reliable in handling this urgent international transaction
of
this sort.
I am lucas kruis, the son of the Comrade Border kruis the Zimbabwean
former
Minister for Youth & Gender Equality who is also a businessman and
politician, in the Zimbabwean political arena . My father was the
famous
politician who stood firm against President Mugabes idea of continuous
fight
in Democratic Republic of Congo and my father also stood against the
seizure
of white owned farms and the distribution of it to the blacks without
compesation to the white owners. Because of my fathers sincerity he was
killed on 14th April 2001 by a planned motor accident along Mashonaland
in
Western Mashona Province of Zimbabwe, the planners of the accident is
to be
said dissidents soldiers suspected to have the backing of the
Government and
President Mugabe himself.

Sir, when this accident occurred at about 10:15 am Zimbabwean time my
father
did not died on the spot rather he was rushed to Harare hospital by
unknown
soldiers and my father managed to call my younger brother and me
through his
assistance, and when my brother and I rushed to the hospital my father
only
managed to sneak a written message to us, explaining his condition
concerning one diplomatic box he concealed under the roof of his
private
bedroom containing US$25 Million (Twenty Five Million United States
Dollars)
and other vital documents which was meant for his political campaign in
the
next election June 2002. He instructed me to take my brother and my
younger
sister with the box and leave Zimbabwe immediately for our safety,
which we
have successfully did and now we are in South Africa with the money
deposited in a Private Security Company with the original documents of
deposit intact.
But because of the countrys exixsting law which bars asyllum seekers /
refugees like us to operate an account that exceed US$2,000.00 and the
fear
of money not raising eyebrows here in South Africa, I decided to write
to
you to seek for your help for this money to be transferred into your
private
bank account as all arrangements for a hitch-free transfer have been
fully
taken care of. I want to assure you also that this transaction is 100%
risk
free as no other person knows about this box apart from my younger
brother
and i.

Sir, as for your reward for your kind assistance we have resolved to
give
you 20% of the total amount, 10% for any expenses that might be
incurred in
the course of this transaction. We planned to invest the rest of the
money
in your country under your guidance . If you are willing to help us try
as
much as possible to reach me with the above numbers to enable us
proceed in
earnest towards concluding all transaction.

Sir, bear it in mind that our lives solely depend on this fund and we
do
hope that this money will be safe when finally transferred into your
account. I do hope of establishing a rewarding and good relationship
with
you and your family after this transaction. Hoping to hear from you as
soon
as possible. Thank you for your co-operation and God bless
Best regards
LUCAS KRUIS. FROM;MR.LUCAS KRUIS
JOHANNESBURG SOUTH AFRICA
E-MAIL:lucaskruis@hotmail.com
TEL;27-73-232-1447

REQUEST FOR URGENT ASSISTANCE/BUSINESS

Dear,

With due respect, trust and humanity, I write this letter to you
seeking
your help and assistance though Its difficult since we have not met
before.
I got your good contact from the South African Information Exchange
(SAIE)
regarding your business profile and sincerity. I believe that you are
capable and reliable in handling this urgent international transaction
of
this sort.
I am lucas kruis, the son of the Comrade Border kruis the Zimbabwean
former
Minister for Youth & Gender Equality who is also a businessman and
politician, in the Zimbabwean political arena . My father was the
famous
politician who stood firm against President Mugabes idea of continuous
fight
in Democratic Republic of Congo and my father also stood against the
seizure
of white owned farms and the distribution of it to the blacks without
compesation to the white owners. Because of my fathers sincerity he was
killed on 14th April 2001 by a planned motor accident along Mashonaland
in
Western Mashona Province of Zimbabwe, the planners of the accident is
to be
said dissidents soldiers suspected to have the backing of the
Government and
President Mugabe himself.

Sir, when this accident occurred at about 10:15 am Zimbabwean time my
father
did not died on the spot rather he was rushed to Harare hospital by
unknown
soldiers and my father managed to call my younger brother and me
through his
assistance, and when my brother and I rushed to the hospital my father
only
managed to sneak a written message to us, explaining his condition
concerning one diplomatic box he concealed under the roof of his
private
bedroom containing US$25 Million (Twenty Five Million United States
Dollars)
and other vital documents which was meant for his political campaign in
the
next election June 2002. He instructed me to take my brother and my
younger
sister with the box and leave Zimbabwe immediately for our safety,
which we
have successfully did and now we are in South Africa with the money
deposited in a Private Security Company with the original documents of
deposit intact.
But because of the countrys exixsting law which bars asyllum seekers /
refugees like us to operate an account that exceed US$2,000.00 and the
fear
of money not raising eyebrows here in South Africa, I decided to write
to
you to seek for your help for this money to be transferred into your
private
bank account as all arrangements for a hitch-free transfer have been
fully
taken care of. I want to assure you also that this transaction is 100%
risk
free as no other person knows about this box apart from my younger
brother
and i.

Sir, as for your reward for your kind assistance we have resolved to
give
you 20% of the total amount, 10% for any expenses that might be
incurred in
the course of this transaction. We planned to invest the rest of the
money
in your country under your guidance . If you are willing to help us try
as
much as possible to reach me with the above numbers to enable us
proceed in
earnest towards concluding all transaction.

Sir, bear it in mind that our lives solely depend on this fund and we
do
hope that this money will be safe when finally transferred into your
account. I do hope of establishing a rewarding and good relationship
with
you and your family after this transaction. Hoping to hear from you as
soon
as possible. Thank you for your co-operation and God bless
Best regards
LUCAS KRUIS.

Brief editorial comments: Our lives solely depend on this fund? Unlikely.

From The Desk of MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange Officer
Foreigner Remittance Dept
African Development Bank
Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,
I am the officer of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance
department
of African development bank.

In my department i discovered an abandoned sum ofUS$10.5 US dollars
(ten
million five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to
one
of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in July
2001
plane crash.
website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next
ofkin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unlesssome body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at
theplane
crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or
relation
to the deceased for safety andsubsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming
for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and
aBurkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision
of a foriegn account , 10%will be set aside for expenses incurred
during the
business .
Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to
the
percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of thisfund to you as
arranged,
you must apply first to the bank as relation or nextof kin of the
deceased
indicating your bank name, your bank account number,your private
telephone
and fax number for easy and effective communicationand location where
in the
money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
ofthe application . I will not fail to bring to your notice that
thistransaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any
atom of
fearas all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.You
should
contact me immediately as soon as youreceive this letter.
Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully
MR MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange officer





From The Desk of MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange Officer
Foreigner Remittance Dept
African Development Bank
Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,
I am the officer of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance
department
of African development bank.

In my department i discovered an abandoned sum ofUS$10.5 US dollars
(ten
million five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to
one
of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in July
2001
plane crash.
website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next
ofkin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unlesssome body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at
theplane
crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or
relation
to the deceased for safety andsubsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming
for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and
aBurkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision
of a foriegn account , 10%will be set aside for expenses incurred
during the
business .
Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to
the
percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of thisfund to you as
arranged,
you must apply first to the bank as relation or nextof kin of the
deceased
indicating your bank name, your bank account number,your private
telephone
and fax number for easy and effective communicationand location where
in the
money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
ofthe application . I will not fail to bring to your notice that
thistransaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any
atom of
fearas all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.You
should
contact me immediately as soon as youreceive this letter.
Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully
MR MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange officer





From The Desk of MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange Officer
Foreigner Remittance Dept
African Development Bank
Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,
I am the officer of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance
department
of African development bank.

In my department i discovered an abandoned sum ofUS$10.5 US dollars
(ten
million five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to
one
of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in July
2001
plane crash.
website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next
ofkin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unlesssome body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at
theplane
crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or
relation
to the deceased for safety andsubsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming
for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and
aBurkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision
of a foriegn account , 10%will be set aside for expenses incurred
during the
business .
Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to
the
percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of thisfund to you as
arranged,
you must apply first to the bank as relation or nextof kin of the
deceased
indicating your bank name, your bank account number,your private
telephone
and fax number for easy and effective communicationand location where
in the
money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
ofthe application . I will not fail to bring to your notice that
thistransaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any
atom of
fearas all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.You
should
contact me immediately as soon as youreceive this letter.
Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully
MR MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange officer





From The Desk of MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange Officer
Foreigner Remittance Dept
African Development Bank
Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,
I am the officer of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance
department
of African development bank.

In my department i discovered an abandoned sum ofUS$10.5 US dollars
(ten
million five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to
one
of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in July
2001
plane crash.
website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next
ofkin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unlesssome body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at
theplane
crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or
relation
to the deceased for safety andsubsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming
for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and
aBurkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision
of a foriegn account , 10%will be set aside for expenses incurred
during the
business .
Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to
the
percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of thisfund to you as
arranged,
you must apply first to the bank as relation or nextof kin of the
deceased
indicating your bank name, your bank account number,your private
telephone
and fax number for easy and effective communicationand location where
in the
money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
ofthe application . I will not fail to bring to your notice that
thistransaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any
atom of
fearas all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.You
should
contact me immediately as soon as youreceive this letter.
Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully
MR MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange officer





From The Desk of MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange Officer
Foreigner Remittance Dept
African Development Bank
Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,
I am the officer of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance
department
of African development bank.

In my department i discovered an abandoned sum ofUS$10.5 US dollars
(ten
million five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to
one
of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in July
2001
plane crash.
website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next
ofkin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unlesssome body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at
theplane
crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or
relation
to the deceased for safety andsubsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming
for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and
aBurkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision
of a foriegn account , 10%will be set aside for expenses incurred
during the
business .
Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to
the
percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of thisfund to you as
arranged,
you must apply first to the bank as relation or nextof kin of the
deceased
indicating your bank name, your bank account number,your private
telephone
and fax number for easy and effective communicationand location where
in the
money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
ofthe application . I will not fail to bring to your notice that
thistransaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any
atom of
fearas all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.You
should
contact me immediately as soon as youreceive this letter.
Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully
MR MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange officer





From The Desk of MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange Officer
Foreigner Remittance Dept
African Development Bank
Burkina Faso

Dear Friend,
I am the officer of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance
department
of African development bank.

In my department i discovered an abandoned sum ofUS$10.5 US dollars
(ten
million five hundred thousand US dollars) in an account that belongs to
one
of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in July
2001
plane crash.
website: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next
ofkin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unlesssome body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the
deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt
that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at
theplane
crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or
relation
to the deceased for safety andsubsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming
for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.

The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and
aBurkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.
I agree that 30% of this money will be for you as a respect to the
provision
of a foriegn account , 10%will be set aside for expenses incurred
during the
business .
Thereafter, I will visit your country for disbursement according to
the
percentage indicated.

Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of thisfund to you as
arranged,
you must apply first to the bank as relation or nextof kin of the
deceased
indicating your bank name, your bank account number,your private
telephone
and fax number for easy and effective communicationand location where
in the
money will be remitted.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
ofthe application . I will not fail to bring to your notice that
thistransaction is hitch-free and that you should not entertain any
atom of
fearas all required arrangements have been made for the transfer.You
should
contact me immediately as soon as youreceive this letter.
Trusting to hear from you immediately.

Yours faithfully
MR MUSA SULE
Bill and Exchange officer

Brief editorial comments: You'd think if someone wanted to swindle my money, they'd be smart enough not to send me the same message five times.

International remittance Dept,
Global Bank Nig. Plc,
Corporate Office,
136 Adeola Odeku road,
Victoria Island,
Lagos - Nigeria.
24-03-06

Hello,

I am Dr. JOE IFEANYI a banker, staff in the office of the director
international remittance department, Global Bank of Nigeria Plc,
Lagos-Nigeria. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for
you.On June 2001, an American Oil
consultant/contractor with the Nigerian National Petroleum
Corporation,engr. ROY ALLEN made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit for twelve
calendar months, valued at US$17,000,000.00(seventeen million Dollars ) in my
branch.Upon maturity,I sent a routine notification to his forwarding
address but got no reply.

After a month,we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his
contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that Engr.
Roy died from an automobile accident with his wife and three
children.On further investigation,I found out that he died without making a WILL,
and all attempts to trace his next of kin was fruitless I therefore
made further investigation and discovered that He did not declare any kin
or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit
paperwork in my Bank. This sum of US$17,000,000.00 is still sitting in
my Bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at
the end of each year. No one will ever come forward to claim it.
According to Nigerian Law, at the expiration of 5(five) years, the
money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if nobody
applies to claim the fund.Consequently, my proposal is that I will like
you as a foreigner to stand in as the next of kin to him so that the
fruits of this old man's labour will not get into the hands of some corrupt
government officials.

This is simple, I will like you to provide immediately your full name
and address so that the Attorney will prepare the necessary documents
and affidavits which will put you in place as the next of kin, your
direct phone number for easy communication.
The money will be paid into your account for us to share in the ratio
of 50% for me and 45% for you and 5% for any expenses incured on the
process of the transaction including taxes, .There is no risk at all as
all the paperwork for this transaction will be done by the attorney and
my position with the bank guarantees the successful execution of this
transaction.If you are interested, please send the informations to me.

Upon your response, I shall then send to you an application which you
will fill and forward to the bank requesting the release of the fund to
you.Please observe utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that
this transaction would be most profitable for both of us as I will need
your advice in the area of investment in your country. My cell #
234-8028286924
Altern. email: dr_joe01@zipmail.com.br

Best regards,
Dr. Joe

Brief editorial comments: What's up with these doctors?

FROM THE DESK OF MR AMINU VATA.
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER,
BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A).
OUAGADOUGOU, BURKINA FASO
WEST AFRICA.

Dear Friend,

I am the manager of bill and exchange department BANK OF AFRICA
(B.O.A) In
my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $15m US dollars (
fifteen
million US dollars) . In an account that belongs to one of our foreign
customer who died along with his entire family in november 1998 in a
plane
crash.

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next of
kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unless
somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as
indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that
all his
supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane
crash
leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I and other officials in my
department now decided to make this businness proposal to you and
release
the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for
safety
and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we donÃÕ
want
this money to go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money
remained
unclamed after five years, the money will be transfered into the Bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in
this
business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner
and a
Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30
% of
this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the
provision
of a foreign account, 10 % will be set aside for expenses incured
during the
business and 60 % would be for me and my colleagues.

Then after I and my colleagues will visit your country for disbursement
accoding to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the
immediate
trnansfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the
bank
as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name,
your
bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and
effective communication and location where in the money will be
remitted .
Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text
of
the application.

I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch
free
and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required
arrangements have been made for the transfer . you should contact me
immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from
you
immediately. PLEASE MY DEAR FRIEND THIS IS MY PRIVATE LINE YOU CAN
CALL
ME IMMIDEATELY YOU RECEIVE THIS MAIL. 00226 (76 63 87 21)

THANKS
MR AMINU VATA.
B.O.A (BANK OF AFRICA)

Brief editorial comments: My dear friend? Who are you again? Probably some Nigerian dude in a cyber cafe.

FROM:MRS.THANDI MPOYO
TEL:27 7322 91 403
EAIL;THANDI_MPOYO5@HOTMAIL.COM
ATTN: DIRECTOR/C.E.O,

I am the wife of Late Mr. Daniel Mpoyo a farmer from Zimbabwe. I got
your
address from South African Information Exchange in Johannesburg. During
the
current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supports of our
President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white-owned farms to his party
members and his followers, he ordered all the white-owned farmers to
surrender all their farm lands to his party members and his followers.

My husband was one of the best farmers in our country and also in
partnership with white farmers. He did not support the Idea of our
President
against the white farmers,supporters of President Mugabe invaded my
husband's farm and burnt everything in the Farm Lands, killing my
husband
and made away with a lot of items in our Farm Lands.After the death of
my
husband,my son and his family decided to move out from Zimbabwe but i
am
still in our country due to my health situation thou my life is in
danger,i
strongly believe God to be with me and my family and to safe money my
husband kept in my care for our future investment overseas. The amount
is
US $ 9.Million(Nine Million United States Dollars)and my son decided to
move
to the Republic of South Africa with his family where he deposited the
money
in a Security Company as valuables. So, we decided to contact overseas
Firm
that will assist us move this money out of South Africa.We have agreed
to
give you from the total sum 20% for helping us to move this money to
your
country and 5%:will be mapped out for expenses both of us might incured
during this transaction while the balance will be for my family to
invest
in your country.

Kindly furnish me with all your banking details and your personal phone
and
fax numbers for easy communication. You can contact my son Mr.Johnson
Mpoyo
on the above telephone numbers for further information.Note that this
transaction is 100% risk-free and it requires mutual trust and absolute
confidentiality and my son have taken care of all formalities regarding
this
transaction. Your urgent response will be highly appreciated in this
regard.Thanks and God bless.

Best regards,
MRS.THANDI MPOYO
TEL ;27 7322 91 403
FROM:MRS.THANDI MPOYO
TEL:27 7322 91 403
EAIL;THANDI_MPOYO5@HOTMAIL.COM
ATTN: DIRECTOR/C.E.O,

I am the wife of Late Mr. Daniel Mpoyo a farmer from Zimbabwe. I got
your
address from South African Information Exchange in Johannesburg. During
the
current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supports of our
President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white-owned farms to his party
members and his followers, he ordered all the white-owned farmers to
surrender all their farm lands to his party members and his followers.

My husband was one of the best farmers in our country and also in
partnership with white farmers. He did not support the Idea of our
President
against the white farmers,supporters of President Mugabe invaded my
husband's farm and burnt everything in the Farm Lands, killing my
husband
and made away with a lot of items in our Farm Lands.After the death of
my
husband,my son and his family decided to move out from Zimbabwe but i
am
still in our country due to my health situation thou my life is in
danger,i
strongly believe God to be with me and my family and to safe money my
husband kept in my care for our future investment overseas. The amount
is
US $ 9.Million(Nine Million United States Dollars)and my son decided to
move
to the Republic of South Africa with his family where he deposited the
money
in a Security Company as valuables. So, we decided to contact overseas
Firm
that will assist us move this money out of South Africa.We have agreed
to
give you from the total sum 20% for helping us to move this money to
your
country and 5%:will be mapped out for expenses both of us might incured
during this transaction while the balance will be for my family to
invest
in your country.

Kindly furnish me with all your banking details and your personal phone
and
fax numbers for easy communication. You can contact my son Mr.Johnson
Mpoyo
on the above telephone numbers for further information.Note that this
transaction is 100% risk-free and it requires mutual trust and absolute
confidentiality and my son have taken care of all formalities regarding
this
transaction. Your urgent response will be highly appreciated in this
regard.Thanks and God bless.

Best regards,
MRS.THANDI MPOYO
TEL ;27 7322 91 403
FROM:MRS.THANDI MPOYO
TEL:27 7322 91 403
EAIL;THANDI_MPOYO5@HOTMAIL.COM
ATTN: DIRECTOR/C.E.O,

I am the wife of Late Mr. Daniel Mpoyo a farmer from Zimbabwe. I got
your
address from South African Information Exchange in Johannesburg. During
the
current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the supports of our
President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white-owned farms to his party
members and his followers, he ordered all the white-owned farmers to
surrender all their farm lands to his party members and his followers.

My husband was one of the best farmers in our country and also in
partnership with white farmers. He did not support the Idea of our
President
against the white farmers,supporters of President Mugabe invaded my
husband's farm and burnt everything in the Farm Lands, killing my
husband
and made away with a lot of items in our Farm Lands.After the death of
my
husband,my son and his family decided to move out from Zimbabwe but i
am
still in our country due to my health situation thou my life is in
danger,i
strongly believe God to be with me and my family and to safe money my
husband kept in my care for our future investment overseas. The amount
is
US $ 9.Million(Nine Million United States Dollars)and my son decided to
move
to the Republic of South Africa with his family where he deposited the
money
in a Security Company as valuables. So, we decided to contact overseas
Firm
that will assist us move this money out of South Africa.We have agreed
to
give you from the total sum 20% for helping us to move this money to
your
country and 5%:will be mapped out for expenses both of us might incured
during this transaction while the balance will be for my family to
invest
in your country.

Kindly furnish me with all your banking details and your personal phone
and
fax numbers for easy communication. You can contact my son Mr.Johnson
Mpoyo
on the above telephone numbers for further information.Note that this
transaction is 100% risk-free and it requires mutual trust and absolute
confidentiality and my son have taken care of all formalities regarding
this
transaction. Your urgent response will be highly appreciated in this
regard.Thanks and God bless.

Best regards,
MRS.THANDI MPOYO
TEL ;27 7322 91 403

Brief editorial comments: I'm not messing with any farmers from Zimbabwe. I have an acquaintance who is actually a high ranking judge in Zimbabwe, actually, and even if something like this were real (which I highly doubt, it probably comes from the corrupt ruling party there trying to make some $$$), I'd avoid it like the plague.

FROM:MRS.CAROLINE ZUMA.
6B RIVONIA ROAD.
FROM SOUTH AFRICA.
caro_line_bc@hotmail.com


ATT:CEO.
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL
You may be surprised to receive this letter since you don't know me, I
am
Mrs.CAROLINE ZUMA, the wife of late Dr. J .ZUMA, who was cently
murdered
inthe land dispute in Zimbabwe.

I got your contact through South African Information exchange (S.A.I.E)
here
in Johannesburg and I decided to write for an assistance. My late
husband
was among the few blacks Zimbabwe rich farmers murdered in cold blood
by
the agents of the ruling government of President Robert Mugabe for his
alleged support and sympathy of the Zimbabwean opposition party
controlled
by the ites.

Before his death, he took I and my son JACK to Johannesburg to deposit
the
sum of US$21.5 Million (TWENTY ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND United
states Dollars)in JACK" name as the beneficiary with a private Security
and
Finance Company as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe. The
money
was deposited as a consignment in a box to the security company to
avoid
seizure, and to avoid much demurrage from the security company, This
money
was for the purchase of new machines for the farm and establishment of
a new
farm in swasiland.

This land problem arose when President Robert Mugabe introduce a new
land
act which wholly effects the rich white farmers and some blacks
vehemently
condemned the modus operadi adopted by the government that resulted to
rampant killings and mob actin by the war veterans and some political
thugs,
preciselym more than sixty one (61) people have been killed. Heads of
government from Western World especially Britain and United States of
America have voice their condemnation of Mugabe's plans.

Subsequently, the South African development community (SADC) has ously
supported Mugabe's new land reform act. It is against this background
that
I and my family who are currently staying in south Africa have decided
to
transfer my husband's money into a foreign account.please, if you are
willing to help me,I and my son have agreed to give you 20% while 75%
As the
only wife to my late husband 5% will be for the expenses during this
transaction.

I am saddled with the responsibility of seeking for an account where
this
money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who
had
tactically freezing our family wealth and South African Government
seems to
be playing alongside with them.

We have decided not to invest this amount of money in South Africa for
the
fear of seizure and tering the same experience in future since both
countries have almost the same political history.

More so the South African Foreign Exchange policy does not allow such
investment hence we are asyllum seekers,I must let you know that this
transaction is 100% risk free. Therefore if you accept this
proposal,please
contact my son JACK ZUMA who is the beneficiary with his email address:
jackzuma177@yahoo.com or call with the telephone number +
27-723-917-777

Please do send an email , but you should know that this is highly
conffidential and shall be kept within you alone. Have a good day.
Best regards,
MRS.CAROLINE ZUMA.
{FOR THE FAMILY}

Brief editorial comments: Whose family is this for? Certainly not mine.

Dear Good Friend.

I greet you in the name of the Lord.

I am Mrs.Alies Adams from Solomon Islands. I am married to Mr.Adams who
worked with our Embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he diedon
the 15th August 2004. We were married for eleven years without a child.
He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Ever before his death we were both born again Christians and have sown
into many ministries. Since his death I decided not to remarry, but
feeling quite lonely if not the Lord who has been my partner and
comforter.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of$8.5 Million
witha Bank in Cote D lvoire. Presently this money is still in the custody
ofthe Bank in Cote D lvoire.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight
monthsdue to cancer problem. Having known my condition I decided to
donate this fund to a church,organization or good person that will utilize
this moneythe way I am going to instruct herein.

I want a church,organization or good person that willuse this funds to
help the orphans, widows and other people that needfinancial
assistance. Using part of this money to provide facilities for God,s work, taking
the gospel to greater height is my major reason of donating this funds
out. The Bible made us to understand that"Blessed is the hand that
giveth". l took this decision because I don't have any child that will
inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and it had
been their wish to see my husband dead in order that they might inherit
his wealth since we have no son. These people are therefore not worthy
of this inheritance.

This is why I am taking this decision. Meanwhile I am not afraid of
death hence I know where I am going. It is only a sinner who's death is
painful I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because
of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me
always. I don't want them to know about this development and l know that
With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the
Bank in Cote d' lvoire. I will also issue a letter of authorization to the
bank that will prove you the present beneficiary of this money. I also
want you to always uplift me in prayer.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that
Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in truth andfaith, "serving him
with all you have, knowing that naked we come and naked we must go"
Contact me on the this email address and any delay in your reply will give
me room in sourcing another good person, church,organization for this
same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.

Hoping to receive your response immedaitely.

Thanks and Remain blessed in the Lord.

Your Sister in Christ.

Mrs.Alies Adams.

Email ; ( alies_adams@yahoo.fr )


Brief editorial comments: Sin kills. God heals.

Attn: Friend.

I am Dr. Harry Chisale, the director, Auditing and Accounting unit of
the
Continental Bank, and the account officer to Brochem Bereau, a multi
million
and multi dimensional Japanese Firm based here in Benin Republic, The
Director Eng. Chun, Myung-Sik, unfortunately died in the tragic plane
crash
of Union Transport Africaines Flight Boeing 727 in Cotonou, Benin
republic
on the December 25, 2003. You will read more stories about the crash on
visiting the below:

website: www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/

Before his death Eng. Chun, Myung-Sik has a ten (10) years time deposit
account with my bank made in June 1993, which has matured and several
official notice despatched to his confidential contact as instructed
without
response. No other person knows about this account or any thing
concerning
it except him, and my comprehensive investigation proved that his
supposed
next of kin died with him in the crash.

I decided to contact you to assist in repatriating the fund before it
get
confiscatedor declared unserviceable by the bank. I seek your consent
to
present you as the bona-fide next of kin to the deceased customer so
that
the proceeds of the account valued at US$5.6Million can be paid to you
immediately and then you and I will share the money. I have used my
official
capacity to perfect all the administrative logistic to back up the
claim
before contacting you.

All I require is a secured bank account outside Benin Republic and your
honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee
that
this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect
you
from any breach of the law. All documents of transaction and data will
be
destroyed with Telex and Info Tech Unit (TITU) immediately we receive
this
money leaving no trace to any place. If this proposal is acceptable to
you,
kindly email your following
information to me immediately:

a. Complete names
b. Private telephone number
c. Private fax number
d. Private email

Sincerely,
Dr. Harry Chisale
00229-97876751

Brief editorial comments: Another doctor?

These are the e-mails that would qualify as "Nigerian E-mail scams" that I have received just in the last two weeks. There are some features of them that resemble a form letter, and so it is worthwhile to look at them in at least a little bit of detail to determine the nature of the scam and why these frauds keep on entering into my inbox, and yours, more than likely.

First comes some sort of introduction that tries to explain why someone I don't know would bother to send me a message. After all, these scammers (like most scammers) recongnize that there is an initial distrust when dealing with people one does not know. I tend to only distrust those selling me things, as I tend to have no problem with strangers in general. It is only those people who seek to gain at my loss that earn my annoyance, and there are rather too many of those people around. Usually there is some kind of comment to the effect that only a foreigner could deal with this because the law of such-and-such country prevents their own citizens from this rather lucrative and shady business.

Then there is some kind of sob story that shows someone's sickness (in one case) or death (the rest) and that attempts to pull at my heartstrings. It seriously annoys me when people try to take advantage of my generosity. I would rather people think I am cold and heartless and not generous at all, because then such generosity as I occasionally show would be a surprise, and would be welcomed, rather than expected and taken advantage of. Such is the life, though. Often times there is some kind of pathetic tone through the entire message that attempts to demonstrate how destitute said recipient would be without my participation in the rather shady dealings (this is probably true, as there are many destitute in Africa, though the ones who propogate such scams are probably those who are more clever and wicked among the rather poorly off population at large).

Also along with the appeal to my generous and merciful heart is the appeal to greed. Anyone who appeals to my greed is someone to be highly distrusted, just as is anyone who appeals to my generosity. There is usually some obscenely large amount of money that is supposedly waiting there for me, and all I have to do is give the local guy a cut and I get the rest. I have my sins, but rampant greed does not happen to be one of them. I know what they sell, and I'm not buying. I try never to let my greed get in the way of my sound and sceptical thinking.

There is also often some kind of appeal to credibility. Whether that is some sort of bogus title (those who scam others are always trying to give themselves titles in order to be seen with credibility they do not deserve), or some sort of "close relation" to the deceased, there is always some attempt to increase trust by the use of titles. I destest the use of titles in increasing credibility. It really does nothing for me. I do not view people selling me things as credible, and when they attempt to enlist credibility, I trust them even less (if that were possible). When it comes to human credibility, the smallest child of a migrant farming family (some of my few childhood friends) has as much credibility as the most powerful person or the most educated. At any rate, they are equally worth my attention and consideration. The credibility of something should be in the content of the appeal, for if that content is present, I care not what letters are behind your name, or if you have any at all. If the content is lacking, all of the titles in the world will not help you gain my trust.

Finally, these letters often have information in bold or in all caps because they assume I am stupid and cannot read for myself. I deteset when people use all caps or bold in order to emphasize more than one word in writing. I am literate, and I do pay attention (rather close attention, if sometimes hostile) to what I am reading. It is an insult to have phrases and sentances bolded, because if they are important to me, they will receive their proper notice when I am reading them. It is rather foolish to assume that what is important to you is going to be important to me, unless you actually know me (for I am an unusual person).

How then, does one sell to someone like myself? One doesn't. If I want something, all I need is the right opportunity at the right price (and I am always looking for opportunities), and I will have no problem with it. If I already want it, your selling is useless, because I am already a willing customer and you are wasting your energy by trying to sell me it. If I do not want it, all of your attempts to sell me your product will fall on deaf ears because the harder you try to sell it the more suspicious I will be about the product and about the motive of the person selling it to me. It is rather easy to irritate and annoy me (especially recently, because I do not have the reserves of patience I normally have to keep me from being set of by everything around me). It is, however, rather difficult to move me in a positive direction, unless you speak with reason. If you must appeal to me, appeal to my intellect and reason. Appeal to truth, to facts, to evidence. Do not appeal to your expertise, as you probably don't have any. And please, if you want to appeal to me, do not send me a mass e-mail. I'm worth more than that.

8 comments:

Brett said...

A guy named Brad Christensen actually corresponded with some of these Nigerian scammers and took it as far as he possible could. http://www.quatloos.com/brad-c/musa.htm
There are a whole bunch of other ones on the site, but I've actually read all of this one. It's great.

Yeah, spam can be quite entertaining sometimes. Some of the things they've written--just unbelievable. For decency's sake, I won't list the best examples here, but my, are they hilarious!

Nathan said...

I will try to look at that site; it should be amusing. None of the examples I got were indecent, nor have I corresponded with them at all. I'm glad someone has, though. One has to find something amusing out of the annoyance.

Brett said...

I haven't received any indecent Nigerian ones; rather, some advertising very interesting products. Actually, some aren't so bad:

"With Ultra Allure Pheromones you won’t have enough room in your organizer for the phone numbers of the beautiful women."
(Points for creativity)

"Get more women than there is water in the ocean with Ultra Allure Pheromones."
(O RLY?)

"Take Hoodia and you won't want to eat anything else."
(Not sure that's a good weight loss method...)

"To achieve something in your life, you need to have a child. If you have any problems with reproduction, Spermamax can help you."
(Uhh...O RLY?)

"Kids can help you save your marriage. Try producing them with Spermamax."
(Once again, I say, O RLY?)

"The problem of penis underdevelopment affects more than 95% men."
(Let's see what statistics has to say about that...)

Others border on pornographic. Still funny, though.

Nathan said...

I get a lot of ones for dubious health products, or get-rich-quick schemes, or breast enlargment (I truly think my A-cup is sufficient, thank you), and so forth. I too, give points for creativity. I think most of those spams for bogus health products come from a certain group of Ft. Lauderdale spammers. It would make sense that Florida, like Nigeria, would be home to such shady business.

Paul said...

What! Those are a scam?

Here I was thinking there was something I wasn't told about my family tree.

Nathan said...

I always appreciate a note of sarcasm.

Richard said...

I receive these same sorts of things all the time. So who in the UCG Home Office gave them my e-mail address -- AND told them I was tithing?

Nathan said...

I don't know, but it's really annoying.